The Unknown

Most of today has been spent packing and sorting. This Saturday, I’ll be moving into my home for the next nine months, located in north-central Indiana. Though I am looking forward to college, I’m also a bit hesitant because there are so many unknowns that lay ahead.

In spite of my CRPS, I’m pressing on and not only continuing college, but undertaking the challenging major of nursing. Science has always been my favorite subject (well, in addition to art) and I was completely fascinated by my Biology and Human Anatomy classes last year. The personal experiences I’ve had with the medical profession began to make me seriously consider going into nursing. When I told my parents, I think they thought I was a bit crazy (at the time, I had very, very limited use of my hand). Through researching, I discovered that nurses with disabilities are more common than I thought. In fact, I’ve read about nurses who were born with one arm, nurses who are deaf, and even those in wheelchairs. It seems that not even the nursing feild is limited by disability and I am determined to make that true in my case as well.

The stress of the unknown, in spite of my determination, is starting to affect me, even though I haven’t even started classes yet. I must admit, and I’m stressing over packing and getting everything done before I leave, so my pain has been higher the past few days. Yesterday in therapy, my arm turned a lovely shade of blue, then it was nice and red last evening, redder than normal (it is usually redder than my good arm and colder).

I’m also worried about making new friends, and what people will think of me. I’m concerned about the required chapel services because my arm is still far more sensitive to bass sounds. I’m nervous about meeting professors and telling them about my CRPS.

To add to everything else, I’ve been having trouble sleeping the past couple weeks and specifically the past few days, partially because I killed my jaw. I have TMJ (temporomandibular joint disorder) and my jaw has popped for as long as I can remember. A few times it has been temporarily stuck, but this was the worst yet. My jaw remained locked for a week and a half, and I still can’t chew anything hard. The added pain from this has been pretty bad in addition to my arm.

My dentist tried using just a splint, but that made no headway, so he had to give me muscle relaxants and an anti-imflammatory, which worked, but made me so drowsy I’ve been pretty much useless the past two weeks. Now I’m trying to do everything I haven’t done the past two weeks in two days and it isn’t working too well. Fortunately, I’ll be done with the medication tomorrow, so I hope I’ll be a bit more alert and energetic by the time I start school.

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